What's Wrong With Steve?

Steve,

I’m the oldest of three.  I’m 40 now and was a natural type of athlete – meaning I was pretty good at everything.  My younger brother could have been good, but my dad – I’m guessing he thought of me as his “meal ticket” spent more time with me and my development and not my brother.

Well fast forward 25 years and my brother is an accomplished athlete.  He participates in Ironman events, runs marathons, dates models, lives in Manhattan, works on Madison Avenue.  Me, I coach PeeWee baseball, eat too much, and the only model I ever nailed was a plus sizer.

I’m getting sick and freakin’ assed tired of my wife swooning over “Uncle Casey”.  Every year we have a family reunion where all he does is walk around with his shirt off looking like McConaughey, doing double flips off the low dive, and all of the kids think he’s the coolest guy on earth.  My wife takes 4 gig of pictures every afternoon and “Facebooks” them to all of her middle-aged friends every afternoon.  You put us together and its a true “Before” and “After” type picture.

At the same reunion, there’s also a 5k “race” – he pesters the crap out of me to do it each year.  I hate every second of my 36:28 minute run, I’m sucking wind like “Meatloaf” in ’78 and I’m producing enough gravy to feed the homeless in Haiti.

We both were high school wrestlers, and because I’m in his head I can still beat him.  Do I just whoop his ass to prove to everyone that I’m still the man? Or do I just put my arms up and say “you win”

Brad

Brad

Stop kidding yourself.  You are no more in his head that you are in mine.

Trust me – as a younger brother who rocketed past his older siblings many, many years ago, I assure you that Casey is breathing a rarified air that the likes of you can only pretend to imagine.

There’s no point in throwing your ams up and saying “you win”, because, Brad, you already say that loud and clear on a daily basis with your ho-hum existence.

Sorry, dude.

Of course, I could be wrong.  Maybe you are still in his head.  Maybe his many accomplishments leave him feeling empty inside because he is motivated not to be the best that he can be, but to show himself that he is better than you.  Maybe he sees the real value in coaching PeeWee baseball, but can’t bring himself to consider giving his time and energies so selflessly.  Maybe Casey is actually a real jerk.  Maybe he’s really enjoying your middle aged angst, even though it subconsciously fuels his own lack of self respect.   Hmm…….on second thought,  why don’t you think about beating him over the head with a folding metal chair the next time you are at a family function?   Beat him down like there’s no tomorrow.  I mean, make him your personal pinata…don’t let up until his body is convulsing.  Then, calmly take a picture of him laying in his own pool of blood and walk across the room to your stunned wife and scream, “Here’s a nice shot for your Facebook page, Sweetheart!  Doesn’t he look great in red?”

Maybe that’ll help.

But, wait….no, I think I was right the first time.  Casey sounds like THE MAN.  I’d love to meet him sometime.

Again, sorry, dude.

SG

Dear Steve-

I have this sadness. It started after reading a press release from my favorite band. After 20 years they are going on an INDEFINITE HIATUS. This brings such sadness to me. I totally understand after twenty years of being away from loved ones . I appreciate all you, the band, your families, and the crew have done to bring us your music – my soul food.

So, I thank you and the rest of the gentlemen in the band from the bottom of my heart for  giving the one thing in my life that is mine.  Going to a Black Crowes show and losing myself in dance and leaving this planet for a while.

Besides giving birth to my two children, going to a Black Crowes shows is the best thing I have done. I get to shut my eyes and off I go!

Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!

See you soon

Erika

Erika

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!  It’s been an honor and a pleasure, and will continue to be so throughout the year.

Best,

SG

Dear Steve,

I’m hoping you can use your wisdom and extensive life experiences to shed some light on the economy.

Is the “Great Recession” finally drawing to a close?  I’m trying to be optimistic about some of the good economic indicators that have been coming out, but my father is convinced that we’re headed for a major double dip and is calling and nagging me that I should start hoarding canned goods and learning how to make my own ammo.

So please, tell me he’s wrong.

Or, tell me how many cans of creamed corn it will take to get me through the apocalypse.

Kind Regards,

A Daughter

A. D.

Sorry, kiddo, but Pops is on the money with this one.  Or, on the lack of money with this one, I should say.

To be safe, I’d go with one can of creamed corn for for every member of Congress since 1980, and two cans for everyone who’s ever drawn a paycheck on Wall Street.

You can splurge on a can of niblets for each President since FDR, and remember to add a dash of pepper for those that were Democrats.

And please – go with an old school, hand crank can opener.  Electricity’s days are also surely numbered.

SG

Hi Steve,

First, NICE job on the ‘Live at the Greek’ CD.

I’m wondering what your process was to prepare for playing Zep tunes with Page?

Did he have any suggestions for you after your started rehearsing with him?

Secondary (but related), what’s his ‘feel’ like?  Does he tend to lay back in respect to the beat?  Right on?  Ahead?

Thanks,

Chris

Chris

Thanks for the props.

My process?  It wasn’t an exact science, believe me.  I seem to recall simply listening to the songs over and over and drinking a lot of beer.  My drunken confidence carried me through any of the rough patches in rehearsals and by the time we were out playing publicly, I had deluded myself to the point of feeling pretty damned good about what I was doing.

Mr. Page never gave me any specific suggestions.  (Well, none that I remember, anyway – see previous paragraph.)

What’s his feel like?  Back?  Ahead?  Right on?  Hell, I don’t know.  I never thought about it like that.  It just always felt like Jimmy Page.  I am not trying to be funny.  Think about that for a sec.  It felt JUST like playing with Jimmy Page.

And that, Chris, was awesome.

SG

Dear Steve,

I’ve been a drummer now for 15 years.  Started playing when I was 8.  I loved back in ’05 when you had the Bohnam Vistalite reissue and the sound you got on it.

My question is – have you ever tried the Ludwig solid stainless steel kit? Much like the Vistalite, Bohnam used this kit live from ’77-’80 and it sounded killer.  I got myself a 13×9 tom and have gigged with a few times and it sounds killer.  Wondering if you ever had tried one or heard of them?

Also, do you think the Cubs will actually win the world series this year?  Let me know your prediction.

Thanks,

Will

Will

Yeah, I loved touring with that Vistalite kit, too.  It’s not the easiest kit to make sound good, but when it is dialed in, it smokes.

And yes, I know all about the stainless steel kit as I have one of those bad boys myself.  It’s the most thunderous kit I’ve ever heard, and it’s my all-time favorite.   If that kit were a movie, it’d be the “Guns of Navarone”.

I can’t gig with it though, because my band has this whole bizarre concept of not having the drums be the loudest part of the mix.  Can you believe that shit?  Unreal.  But, I am a team player,  so I do my best to help “blend” into the collective vibe.  Whatever.

I do not, sorry to say, think that the Cubs will win the World Series this year.  Or next year.  Or the year after that.  In fact, I’d go so far as to say that you’d probably see John Bonham pull a Lazarus and hop back onto his Vistalites before you see your Cubbies hoist the Commissioner’s Trophy over their heads.

That’s just life.  (For a Cubs fan.)

SG

Steve,

Why do you have to be so damned entertaining?  I’m supposed to be studying for my business law test tomorrow morning at 7am (its 2am now!) and instead i’ve spent my time reading your words of wisdom.  Hell, i think i’ve learned more from you than studying my material.

Anyway, i also wanted to let you know that I spent the earlier half of my day mixing a few of my songs and have been using your drum sound on Under A Mountain as a reference. Its an absolutely phenomenal sound.

That is all.

Kevin

Kevin

Thanks.  I am glad my schtick is working for you.  It’s a simple story as to why- years ago, the band all drew straws to determine how we would each present ourselves publicly.  As luck would have it, I drew the straw marked “damned entertaining”, and have been doing my best to live up to it ever since.

The drum sound on “Under a Mountain” is a favorite of mine, too.  I’d tell you all about how we got that sound, but I don’t remember a single thing about the making of that album other than on Sunday nights we would stop working to watch The Beatles documentary on ABC.

(That’s not meant to be entertaining – that’s the straight up truth.)

SG